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Jacqueline

by Rett Madison

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about

I wrote this song shortly after I lost my mother to suicide in 2019. She would have been 50 years old this November 19th. In memory of my mother, Jacqueline, I'll be donating fifty cents of every download for the month of November 2021 to The Trevor Project which provides 24/7 crisis support and mental health services for LGBTQ+ youth.

lyrics

Studying a photo of you
Grinning at the kitchen table
Crowned in jewels and royal blue
Bright and young at 22
Everybody says I’m just like you
Was that one of many days you suffered through

We both know sadness too well
I lost you to its spell
Waking up without you is waking up in hell
I’ll never meet you at 48
You won’t cry on my wedding day
You’ll never hear my children say your name


Jacqueline, Ain’t that a shame?
Jacqueline, You’re not to blame
I’m just pissed off and bitter I couldn’t save my mother
I’m grappling with what I’ve got left, Jacqueline

Searched your note a hundred times
for answers and peace of mind
Waiting on a letter that’ll never come
I missed your call the day before, could you not take it anymore
I’m waiting on someone to wake me up

Jacqueline, Ain’t that a shame?
Jacqueline, You’re not to blame
I’m just pissed off and bitter I couldn’t save my mother
I’m grappling with what I’ve got left, Jacqueline

Left your glasses on the kitchen table
Your favorite pair you always wore
Wondered if you knew I’d find them
And I’d fall to the floor
Screaming out at God
Wishing you’d walk in just to kiss me and hold me,

Jacqueline
Ain’t that a shame?
Jacqueline, You’re not to blame
I’m just pissed off and bitter I couldn’t save my mother
I’m grappling with what I’ve got left, Jacqueline

credits

released November 19, 2021
music and lyrics by Rett Madison
acoustic guitar/vocals - Rett Madison
produced by Ryan Lerman
mixed and mastered by Caleb Parker
artwork by Bella Porter
additional mix notes by Theo Katzman

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all rights reserved

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Rett Madison Los Angeles, California

I write songs about grief and queerness.

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